I can't believe it. Tomorrow is our very last day of attending a Buckley class. At first, when I thought of the end, it was as if I couldn't wait. Time was slow and I thought to myself: "GOD! I JUST WANT TO LEAVE ALREADY!" But now I look back and realize how wrong I have been from the get go. I'm going to miss this place like crazy. Yes, I have had my bad memories from Buckley, but they have been the building blocks to my own self-acceptance. It is unimaginable, not walking onto the Buckley campus in late August, ready to start a fresh new year as a high school student... almost surreal.
In my first few years at Buckley, I was a misfit. I didn't have many friends and I didn't like it very much. However, this year has definitely been the most emotional and eye-opening of all. I realized how much and how deeply I love everyone in my grade and how special we all are in our own ways. Though we have had our differences, saying goodbye is going to be tough. I won't see the same faces everyday... I won't hang out in the same spots, and I surely won't be laughing with the same people...
What an adventure it has been, spending 10 years at Buckley. I don't regret any of it. My experiences have been beautiful, stressful, and irreplaceable. So finally, I say goodbye to Buckley and goodbye to my grade. Thank you for an unforgettable 10 years. :)
<3 you guys FOREVER.
Monday, May 16, 2011
College Catalog Assignment Reflection
Through this project, I realized how hard it is to be on your own for once. We are all so used to Buckley holding our hands and making sure that we are taking the right classes that we began to lose our independence. Finding my own classes and ensuring my future was the most stressful thing I have ever had to do. Even though I am only at the beginning stages of the rest of my life, this really reflected the struggles I will have in decision-making and effort in the years to come. College is just another stepping stone for all of us to achieve success, but it is also the most important and helpful experience for our adulthood. I cannot imagine how much of a challenge it is going to be to stand up on my own two feet and take responsibility for my own education and decisions, but I am 100% sure that it is going to be an amazing journey of self-discovery. :)
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Disappearances...
Note: This is my reflection on my grandpa and how his death affected me. Since graduation is so near, there has been a rush of memories that have come back to me in these past few days. Through this I realized how important it is to appreciate each person and each moment in your life. I wish my grandpa was here to see my graduation, he would be so happy. But I know he will always be with me now, closer than ever before. :)
Today, as the morning gleamed through my kitchen windows, I stood in emptiness. From 7 family members, we’ve come down to 6, and everything has changed. I miss my Grandpa. I remember his sweet nicknames, his adorable toothless smile that greeted me each afternoon I walked through my house door after a tiring school day. He would peek from his small room and grin. He was just happy. Happy that I was his granddaughter, happy to see me, happy to be so close to his family. I was so tired, so frustrated that I would roll my eyes and storm up to my room to have some much awaited alone time. It’s all different now. The hustle bustle of this once lively house has died along with the one man that would spend all his time in one room. How strange, how ironic. Slowly the busy mornings and loud conversations have ceased. And all that has remained is me, standing in an empty kitchen with 3 half-full cups of tea on a black granite counter.
It’s not just Ajoba’s loss that has turned this house into darkness. It’s Aaji’s stroke. Even the most annoying aspects of this house have vanished; it adds to the silence. I recall my friend’s words when she experienced a typical morning in my house one day in the past. “Wow! This is so fun, you come downstairs and everyone’s home!” I responded with a smirk and a flick of the eyebrow. Taking everything for granted was my forte.
No more prayer bells ringing as the sunlight spills into my room, no more music from Indian soap operas, and no more enthusiastic grandparents asking if I am hungry. I miss it now, but why couldn’t I appreciate it then? When it was worth remembering, when it was worth absorbing? I let it all slip right off the surface when it was time to hold on. I will never forgive myself for that.
I don’t talk about it much but I miss my grandpa. No one again will ever call me by that endearing nickname. I miss the love he showered on my brother and me, it was so beautiful. He doted on us like we were his angels, and I never turned around to say thank you to him, for being the best grandpa ever. Everyday before I left the house, he would stop me to ask: “Gollu, paishe aahet?” (Gollu, do you have enough money?). After a while that question became such a nuisance, I would answer “YES!” even before he had asked. “Kai pahije te ghe aa?” (buy whatever you want, okay?). If he could, he would have drenched my brother and me with all the money in his possession, just so we would have that temporary laughter on our lips and glimmer in our eyes. That’s what he lived for.
Until the day he died, Ajoba was always appreciative of his grandchildren. When he couldn’t talk, 2 days before, he smiled and pointed. We knew we were his happiness, his life, his every breath, his heartbeat. I’m sorry that I couldn’t tell you sooner Ajoba, that you are the world to me. Without you, I wouldn’t be half the person I am today. Without your love, I would be nowhere. I love you, I miss you, and I always will.
Rest in peace. <3
Today, as the morning gleamed through my kitchen windows, I stood in emptiness. From 7 family members, we’ve come down to 6, and everything has changed. I miss my Grandpa. I remember his sweet nicknames, his adorable toothless smile that greeted me each afternoon I walked through my house door after a tiring school day. He would peek from his small room and grin. He was just happy. Happy that I was his granddaughter, happy to see me, happy to be so close to his family. I was so tired, so frustrated that I would roll my eyes and storm up to my room to have some much awaited alone time. It’s all different now. The hustle bustle of this once lively house has died along with the one man that would spend all his time in one room. How strange, how ironic. Slowly the busy mornings and loud conversations have ceased. And all that has remained is me, standing in an empty kitchen with 3 half-full cups of tea on a black granite counter.
It’s not just Ajoba’s loss that has turned this house into darkness. It’s Aaji’s stroke. Even the most annoying aspects of this house have vanished; it adds to the silence. I recall my friend’s words when she experienced a typical morning in my house one day in the past. “Wow! This is so fun, you come downstairs and everyone’s home!” I responded with a smirk and a flick of the eyebrow. Taking everything for granted was my forte.
No more prayer bells ringing as the sunlight spills into my room, no more music from Indian soap operas, and no more enthusiastic grandparents asking if I am hungry. I miss it now, but why couldn’t I appreciate it then? When it was worth remembering, when it was worth absorbing? I let it all slip right off the surface when it was time to hold on. I will never forgive myself for that.
I don’t talk about it much but I miss my grandpa. No one again will ever call me by that endearing nickname. I miss the love he showered on my brother and me, it was so beautiful. He doted on us like we were his angels, and I never turned around to say thank you to him, for being the best grandpa ever. Everyday before I left the house, he would stop me to ask: “Gollu, paishe aahet?” (Gollu, do you have enough money?). After a while that question became such a nuisance, I would answer “YES!” even before he had asked. “Kai pahije te ghe aa?” (buy whatever you want, okay?). If he could, he would have drenched my brother and me with all the money in his possession, just so we would have that temporary laughter on our lips and glimmer in our eyes. That’s what he lived for.
Until the day he died, Ajoba was always appreciative of his grandchildren. When he couldn’t talk, 2 days before, he smiled and pointed. We knew we were his happiness, his life, his every breath, his heartbeat. I’m sorry that I couldn’t tell you sooner Ajoba, that you are the world to me. Without you, I wouldn’t be half the person I am today. Without your love, I would be nowhere. I love you, I miss you, and I always will.
Rest in peace. <3
The Ambience Of Glory...
Note: I never really knew I would write poetry. Somehow, it just happened one day when my fingers hit the computer keyboard and just wouldn't stop. 2 pages later, I realized I had written my first poem (though it was VERY long). The only time I really write poetry is when I feel an extreme emotion, whether it be sadness, anger, love or happiness... words always seem to be the ultimate form of expression.
This particular poem was written in light of the recent Spring Dance Festival. I could have never imagined the support and wonderful reaction I got to my first, individually choreographed, hip-hop dance piece. In the beginning, I felt like an outcast amongst the other choreographers because my idea was so different, but as time went on I began to love my dance and the way it had turned out on stage. However, the audience's response was the best part of all. That split-second between the end of the dance and the applause was nerve-wracking-- but as soon as I heard the crowd erupt, all the stress, work, time,energy, blood, sweat, and tears I had put into this dance had really payed off. I had never before felt this way about my work or dancing. To say the least, it was surreal.
The presence of well-wishers, friends and supporters that night was not even close to a minority. Everyone appreciated me, everyone was there for me, and it felt amazing. This year was a dream in terms of how much I learned about self-esteem and my own choreographing and dancing ability.
Finally, without the love of the Buckley Community, my fellow classmates (including choreographers and dancers), and my beautiful best friends, I would have never felt that same ambience of glory...
i bask in the ambience of glory
for this world is no less than beautiful.
i guess they were right when they spoke about the future
when one door closes, there opens another.
tonight i feel on top of the world
surrounded by bright lights
embraced by loving angels, my guardians, my day, my night.
positivity is paradise.
dancing is a passion.
from the depths of a chasm,
i encounter greatness within myself.
i spill my soul onto the stage
and find myself ready to turn a new page.
gratitude races through my veins
alongside the adrenaline.
they push through narrow lanes.
i thank god for days like this, i feel complete.
nothing else will ever be able to compete.
This particular poem was written in light of the recent Spring Dance Festival. I could have never imagined the support and wonderful reaction I got to my first, individually choreographed, hip-hop dance piece. In the beginning, I felt like an outcast amongst the other choreographers because my idea was so different, but as time went on I began to love my dance and the way it had turned out on stage. However, the audience's response was the best part of all. That split-second between the end of the dance and the applause was nerve-wracking-- but as soon as I heard the crowd erupt, all the stress, work, time,energy, blood, sweat, and tears I had put into this dance had really payed off. I had never before felt this way about my work or dancing. To say the least, it was surreal.
The presence of well-wishers, friends and supporters that night was not even close to a minority. Everyone appreciated me, everyone was there for me, and it felt amazing. This year was a dream in terms of how much I learned about self-esteem and my own choreographing and dancing ability.
Finally, without the love of the Buckley Community, my fellow classmates (including choreographers and dancers), and my beautiful best friends, I would have never felt that same ambience of glory...
i bask in the ambience of glory
for this world is no less than beautiful.
i guess they were right when they spoke about the future
when one door closes, there opens another.
tonight i feel on top of the world
surrounded by bright lights
embraced by loving angels, my guardians, my day, my night.
positivity is paradise.
dancing is a passion.
from the depths of a chasm,
i encounter greatness within myself.
i spill my soul onto the stage
and find myself ready to turn a new page.
gratitude races through my veins
alongside the adrenaline.
they push through narrow lanes.
i thank god for days like this, i feel complete.
nothing else will ever be able to compete.
Monday, May 2, 2011
College Bucket List
I will be going to California State University at Northridge for the Fall 2011 semester. Though this school was not my first choice, I have learned to accept it and plan my future in accordance to my goals. I will be attending CSUN for two years and then transferring to UCLA. The reason I chose this path over community college is because I needed to move out!!! As much as I love my family and enjoy my life at home, I crave to be independent. I thought to myself, that just because I didn't get into my first choice doesn't mean I have to forfeit being an adult!! So, my decision to go to CSUN was tough and tested my commitment to education, but now, I am confident in my choice. All I know is that it will be difficult to accomplish my goals of transferring and then going to a good Law School, but starting now, I am more dedicated and serious about my future then ever, and no one can shoot that down. I'm on a mission ;)
These are the things that I will bring to CSUN for my first year in the dorms:
1.) Clothes
2.) My Laptop
3.) My phone
4.) My purse rack
5.) Warm sheets
6.) An open mind
7.) A good attitude
8.) Positivity
9.) Blinders-- (metaphor) to remain focused on my goal :D
10.) Willingness to have a great time!
These are the things that I will bring to CSUN for my first year in the dorms:
1.) Clothes
2.) My Laptop
3.) My phone
4.) My purse rack
5.) Warm sheets
6.) An open mind
7.) A good attitude
8.) Positivity
9.) Blinders-- (metaphor) to remain focused on my goal :D
10.) Willingness to have a great time!
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